My life for the past couple years has spiraled to an anxiety ridden routine. The same overwhelming feelings everyday. I have learned how to cope however and have mostly kept it under control. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the last couple of weeks, especially this last one. It has been out of control. Everyday I feel like I’m running away from myself. The emotions inside my body feel like an amusement park and I just want to get off every ride and sit down. My head does some of the most fucked up things on a daily basis, and half the time I can barely think straight. The major thing, and a surprising thing, is that the paranoia aspect has been very overbearing. I feel like I’m living in a different world because of how bad it is. For example, I literally am so nervous about so many things on a daily basis, one being dying. I have such a fear of it happening, and I think it’s going to happen all the time. So, I was with my girlfriend the other week and everything was going fine, and suddenly, I saw something. It evolved into a human like figure that I literally saw right in front of me. I could see it walking and looking at me, and I felt like my soul was literally being sucked out of my body. I had a complete nervous breakdown and was screaming and crying and I wouldnt let my girlfriend leave my side. I felt like I was going to die. Mainly, these incidents happen in my house, that being the first serious one. Its been bothering me a lot this past week and I cannot shake it no matter how hard I try. It doesnt help that I’m literally anxious about everything throughout the whole day either. I get so mad all the time because I just feel so overwhelmed just by the littlest thing. So these more serious things happening just pile on top of everything else. I can’t even be alone in my own house. My dad couldnt even go out to dinner tonight because I would freak out. I can’t go to sleep at night without having a fucking heart attack. It’s horrible. I feel trapped and confined in my own mind and I hate it. I want to get out. I want to be set free. I just want to feel okay. 

I only feel okay with you, and safe. No one understands why I always want to be with you. I just wish I could sleep next to you everynight, so I could actually sleep.

These feelings are starting to become something I definitely cannot live with. I just want help.

I want to go a day without a fear of it being my last day. Please.